perspective

ive been in thailand for seven months!  its become a place that i feel so comfortable that i sort of have to step out of myself to realize how great it is to be here and experience this life.  of course living in a different country has its ups and downs but thats what i signed on for. admittedly i was thinking more about the positives than the negatives until i was actually experiencing them.  i know it sounds silly but before i left i sort of thought that life would be this exciting adventure everyday and i would love everything, but feelings continue whether negative or positive no matter where you are.  i would say month five and six were pretty rough here and i seriously considered coming home.  but then something kicked in and i realized that i really do love it here.
focusing on the positives instead of the negatives seems like the thing to do. the difficulty with doing so is that you have to see both and actively choose the positives. i haven't really written about the negatives partly because i dont want to be a complainer but also because i was always told to look on the bright side of things.  so instead i focused on the weekends away to beautiful famous beaches and rainforest hikes, the moments when my students were really cute, thai hospitality at its finest, and the great friendships that i have developed. somewhere in between i started to really see things more clearly and stopped living in my fairytale world where everything is perfect but i had started to feel resentful of nearly everything.  im happy to report that that period is over!  im in a place now of acceptance and appreciation of experiencing a culture so unique and im relieved to know that i still have 5 more months enjoy it.  some of my greatest friends here will be leaving in just two months which is extremely sad.  still, its nice to feel secure in knowing that these relationships will last forever in what we have experienced together.  changes are ahead, new teachers will be coming to town and there will be a whole new scene here in surat.  it truly is bittersweet.
i want to share some of the things that i love about thailand and i also want to tell you about the more challenging parts. this in itself is challenging because many of the things that i love are also the things that i dislike. its contradictory, but mai bpen rai, so are most things here. 
i love the easy going way of life, no one really worries about anything it is so refreshing.  i love the way people take care of each other here and elders are truly respected.  strangers will help each other cross the street and strike up friendly conversation anywhere, you get the feeling that everyone knows each other.  not truly knowing the language aids in this as body language between thai people is extremely nurturing, warm and friendly.  that being said i feel safe here, protected and well cared for.  i have become dependent on people for things that i would normally (very stubbornly) do myself.  here it seems unacceptable to be inconvenienced by anything. example: my motorcyle was not working very well and i needed to get it fixed.  i talked to the people who own the coffee shop i frequent about where to get it fixed and before i knew it he was on the phone with his friend who owns a bike shop.  he came and picked my bike up, took it to get fixed, and brought it back the next day completely fixed up like new (for about $12!) and i didn't even need to get up from my seat to do anything.  this is what i love about the culture.  the downside to the culture being so laid back is that planning things for school is difficult and people tend to make little of situations that are kind of a big deal.   i also forsee my dependence on other people for pretty much everything coming to end with my departure...
another thing that i love about thailand is the weather, its always warm and sunny.  even right now in the thick of the rainy season, its sunny as can be.  we get a rain shower that lasts maybe an hour in the evening and an odd day of rain every now and then but thats pretty much the extent of the rainy season.  the other day i walked to work (5 minutes) without breaking a sweat and thought "wow its kind of cold today, i might need a sweatshirt".  i looked up the temperature to find it was actually 80 degrees.  pretty cold, right?  so that being said as much as i love the weather here, its also one of the things that i complain about.  i walked 15 minutes to the store the other day at 8:30 in the morning and was dripping sweat.  its not even the hot season!  ugh.  personal hygiene has never been my strong suite but here it seems like a part time job.  showering, powdering, shaving my legs, deodorant, lotion, sunscreen take up more time here than they ever have in my life and i still don't really feel clean or even like a girl for that matter.  thai people seem immune to it, their hair perfect all of the time, skin smooth and sweat free.  my kindy kids and  i will be outside running around and i will be covered in sweat but yet they will be sweat free save for the tips of their noses.  i really think thats the only place i have seen sweat on a thai person.  
speaking of my kids, i truly love them but this hasn't always been the case.  sure they are cute, in pictures their little faces and bodies seem so sweet and innocent but don't let that fool you.  thai kids are some of the craziest ive ever been around.  their voices reach a pitch that could break glass and there doesn't seem to be volume quieter than extremely loud. i used to think having a class of 16 was small before i got here but when one of my class maxed at 17 i thought i might plead insanity to get out of teaching. but they work their way into your heart and i can't help but admire their energy and lightheartedness.  my  patience is tested every day with these little ones.
im learning so much that i never foresaw, little life lessons everyday. overall life is good.  im at a place now where i am happy and content, soaking everything up for what its worth.